We overcome...

by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. I have some things to overcome today so I figured it would be a good time to record my personal testimony for my blog.

I was raised Catholic and I prayed and talked to God for most of my life, but I never really felt that I knew Him. The main thing I wanted from Him throughout my childhood was a peaceful home with happily married parents. He didn't deliver, in my mind, so I made plans to "run away" by going off to college and never coming home again. I would build my happy family on my own, from scratch. I rejected my "faith" and reasoned that if God was real, I wouldn't be able to live without Him for long... but if I didn't miss Him, then He couldn't be real.

So off I went on a 4-year-long alcoholic binge (but keeping it together enough to graduate magna cum laude so I could get a job and have that happy successful life one day). My self-esteem plummeted. My family back home rapidly disintegrated, and although it tore me apart inside, I was mostly able to drown the pain with the alcohol and distract myself with other pursuits.

All the while I really thought I was having fun, doing what crazy college kids do and making a new life for myself. There were more laughs than tears during those years, but I didn't have any true joy.

Then I graduated from college, did some dating and soon stumbled upon a stable, "nice guy" named Ed. I fell totally, recklessly in love with him, pouring every ounce of my being into him, willing him to be the man of my dreams. Amazingly, I managed not to scare him off for 3 and a half years! During this time I moved to NYC to prove myself to the world: I could make it there and I could make it anywhere, with my own blood, sweat, and tears, thank you very much.

But I was on very shaky ground. I realized Ed wasn't able to give me everything I needed, and to my own astonishment, I broke up with him. I also realized I was an alcoholic. I was failing miserably at building my perfect life. So I decided to go back to God and demand some answers once and for all. I had memories of some weird, kinda-creepy-but-maybe-there's-something-there experiences at my dad's "born-again" church. I figured I might as well take the plunge and figure out what it was about now, so I could cross it off the list and move on in my search for truth.

I printed out a list of NYC churches from the internet yellow pages. I didn't want any recommendations from anyone who might try to "push" their religion on me. I tried 4 or 5 places that were all wrong before walking through the doors at Faith Exchange Fellowship. Hmm... these people look kinda cool, I thought. Diverse group... and they sure look happy... genuinely happy. Then Pastor Dan spoke... and proceeded to answer all of the questions I came with that day. My heart was burning inside me. It happened over and over again, week after week, in spite of my secret hope he would do something wacko so I could run away and never come back. He was speaking the truth. I couldn't deny it. I had to stay.

A huge amount of growth took place in those first few years, and is still taking place. I'll write more about some of those experiences later. For now I'll just say, fast-forward 8 years and I'm still at the same church, still 100% convinced that I've found the truth, and far happier than I ever could have been on my own. I have the most wonderful husband and two of the most beautiful kids who ever lived. I'm truly content, yet not settling for the level I'm on now. I'll keep growing and learning forever, but I'll always be grateful for where I am and what I've already overcome.