Anger Management

If anyone were ever a candidate for anger management therapy, it'd be me. Only people who know me really well understand that there is an enormous snorting bull hiding behind my small frame and placid expression. So, unfortunately, the ones I love the most usually end up on the receiving end of the flashes of rage and hatred that seem to strike out of nowhere, like lightning bolts, shocking my victims to the core... LOL... okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but just a little.

This unruly anger has only reared its head again (after a few years of dormancy) since I entered motherhood 2 and a half years ago. Hormones may have something to do with it, but I think it's more due to not being able to live up to my idea of the perfect mother, and--despite my best efforts to avoid this very thing--imitating the attitudes and behaviors of my parents while I was growing up. I lived in quite a volatile environment for many years. Don't get me wrong, though. I'm not blaming anyone but myself for the way I act. Nor am I feeling pathetic or sorry for myself any more. I've made a great deal of progress in the last several months and I'm very optimistic that I will slay the snorting bull once and for all (sorry animal lovers, it's just a metaphor) in due time.

Peace, victory, wholeness, strength, and all of the other attributes we strive for most of our lives are actually a person... one person... and His name is Yahshua (Jesus). I'm finding that the more I put His words into my mind and heart--and the less King of Queens, Hell's Kitchen, and other shows I like that portray anger and sarcasm as cool and entertaining--the more self-control I have. It really works. And it's really important that I do the work to manage this anger so that I don't pass it down to another generation. My kids shouldn't have to deal with this monster. No one should.

So although it's tempting to laugh it off and embrace my inner hothead, justifying it with a shrug of the shoulders and saying things like, "Gotta watch out for the ol' Irish temper!" I know I'm better than that. I am peace that passes all understanding. I'm the eye of the hurricane, the calm in the midst of the storm, like my true parent, Yahweh. He's the one I strive to imitate, no matter how cool or uncool anyone else might think it is. If I stay in Him, He stays in me, and that is the only way to live.