Perfection is overrated

I'm usually so excited this time of year, but right now I am feeling so burnt out. I just threw a surprise party for my mom's 60th birthday, which had me obsessing over every detail for the last month. I couldn't sleep most nights, and when I did I'd have nightmares, and eventually I got sick from the stress because I wanted everything to be just perfect. And then, because there simply aren't enough hours in the day (and I waited too long to ask for help), I had to compromise on some things and it didn't turn out as great as I'd imagined it... but guess what? Everyone had a fantastic time and kept saying how perfect it was anyway! So why did I get myself so worked up about it???

This is a recurring theme in my life. For some reason, I feel the need to do everything perfectly at all times, to always have it all 'together', to far exceed everyone's expectations, and whenever I don't I feel guilty. Why? Where did I get this insidious desire to torture myself 24/7/365? It's exhausting, and I've decided it's got to stop. I'm turning over a new leaf... or make that drawing a line in the snow, since there are no leaves around here and the beach is currently covered with snow.

It's time to stop apologizing for myself. (Hence, the title of my blog.) Yahweh made me a certain way, with certain gifts and talents, and certain weaknesses. Try as I may, I will never measure up to anyone's idea of 'perfect', including my own, no matter what, so I might as well just be me and learn to enjoy being me (what a concept). Come to think of it, I need to get reacquainted with the real me, and writing is one of the best ways to do that, so I guess this blog will help me out in that respect.

The more I think about it, perfection is actually not such a dirty word, it just gets misinterpreted most of the time. It's a bit of an oxymoron, because the moment you think you've arrived there you're sure to be slapped in the face with your ugliest faults. Perfection is more of a constant state of forgiveness (of yourself and others) and growth, mixed with honesty so that others can relate to your struggles and help you with them. Easier said than done, but still easier than what I've been putting myself through of late.